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If only I will have… I will start- mistakes of fear

Do you have it too?

Do you dream, plan, save your ideas somewhere on hidden pages that calmly rest in eternal sleep in the composition of documents and bills?

Well, because others have succeeded. Others have better, more easily, something else. But not you. Write?

It does not mean that you give up. THIS does not mean that you give up, but it is not the time. You’re not ready yet. You still do not have all the gadgets, equipment, experience, did not share all the courses, did not read all the books. What if it fails?

And so the next day of the cycle passes – one day I will start.

How easy it is for us, especially for women, to find new excuses. And these are children, and this is work, fatigue, sick mother. And I? The other day. The right time will come.

My greatest pain was the fear that I would not be able to do everything I planned. I had so many plans and ideas that I did not know what to decide and where to start. And so I started the day with new energy, then sit down in front of the computer to perform my first task, I felt guilty. Am I to spend all day doing it when I can do something else? Do not get me wrong. It does not mean that I did not like these things, I just felt that one was suffering at the expense of another. I wanted everything. At once and immediately. Because if I do not have enough time? What if I do not finish what I started? What if I die tomorrow?

So, I’ve been cumbersizing all my knowledge and experience.

I cut my actions into a small group of people who knew about my abilities and talents, but they were not necessarily impressed. That’s something else. When I showed them my plans or finished projects, I heard most times that it would not work. You guessed?

And I gave up or shut up in my office to refine my work. Warmly corrected, never ready, constantly postponed. And although I knew that they were better than most existing ones, I lacked the courage to choose myself. To decide that I do not need anyone to stand behind me to support me.

Nobody has to agree with my opinion, does not have to understand what’s in my head. I know only that.

This time I have to stand behind me.

In his defense. Choose yourself no matter what. I know how to price my services, I know how much my time is worth, I know what is the best for me. I do not have to and I can not wait for realizing my dreams, for comparing myself to others. I do not care how many other freelancers earn, how many projects they have and how much they sacrifice. I do not have to wait to get started. I do not need to know all of them, because I will never find out everything in the future, it will not go without a mistake and compromise, and nobody cares. I do not have to be better, more beautiful, younger or older, I do not have to have whiter teeth or better clothes, I do not have to compete with others. The only competition for me is myself.

I needed 5 years to understand again, to get up after the defeat, to find out again that I WOULD BE BETTER THAN PERFECT. That my and your life is a process that will have ups and downs, because we are here to learn. That people laugh when you fall and clap when you get up. That you are allowed to be wrong. That you are only a human person. That the only thing you need to take care of is the balance between your self and your actions.

Be honest  and respect others and yourself and nothing bad will happen to you.

Good luck on your new way of life. I have already started my own..


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